Wednesday, March 26, 2008

SuperNova In Kolkata

(This entry is by my friend Nova Alexander)

So here I am in Kolkata having made a promise to Es three months earlier to join her on the last leg of her spiritual boot camp. I’ve struggled with coming to Kolkata – worried about how I might be treated as a black person more than about anything else.  My mood was not helped when I arrived and found that Emirates had messed up my luggage and it was going to be a couple of days before we would be reunited. It took a further three hours before I arrived at my hotel. The fact that I got there alive and in one piece was a debt of gratitude I thought I owed to my Formula One driver; however, over the course of my stay in Kolkata I realised driving within an inch of your life was the norm.

In my room (having bitched to the front desk about not getting my luggage ), I thought about what Es must have been through and tried talking my way out of my spiralling bad mood. Get over yourself Nova, focus on why you came, I remonstrated. The phone rang. Esmeralda was on her way up. I was almost at the door when she bounded into the room with her two heavy bags and one backpack; before we hugged I quickly searched her face and could see how hard this journey had been on her. Yes, she was tanned and had lost weight. Her hair was still short but spiked with grey. However, it was her eyes that told me of the emotional and physical struggles she must have endured. And I thought I could see faint stains on her face where tears might have been. Or maybe it was just sweat from the 37 degree heat. Dear Es. How proud I was of her. We finally hugged and I silently wondered if I should kiss her feet or something.

Gradually, once she’d eaten and taken stock of things, she told me about her journey and Amma and the sadness at leaving her newly formed family behind. She only scratched the surface and glossed over certain things. But that’s ok. Maybe I’ll hear more when the time is right. We laughed and Esmeralda also cried - more of joy than anything but also at having to leave Amma and the world that had in many ways protected her these past seven weeks.

The hotel was kind enough to kit me out with toiletries and two white Panjabis until my luggage arrived. Es took immediate control and, as I changed into my Gandhiesque garb, before I knew what was happening we were in another one of those frightful taxis en route to the Ashram on Budge Budge Road .

As a die-hard sceptic, I was anxious about the next few days and what might be expected of me. Despite all the books and lectures Es had thrown at me, I had not read any and what she said never really registered. I felt a complete fraud.  As we walked in through the Ashram's gate and past the Brahmasthanam Temple on our way to the program hall, I looked around and saw many westerners, the first thing that struck me was that all the '60's hippies I had seen on TV, had congregated under this one roof. The stereotypical person I expected to see was there along with thousands of local people.  But everywhere I turned, friendly people who knew Esmeralda came up and said hello as If they already knew me. I was given a quick recce of the place and at one point I thought perhaps now was the time to kiss E's feet.

At around 8pm, still clutching my handbag, I walked with Es bare-foot on a wooden floor through the huge congregation. It was time for me to face up to why I had come and to meet Her Holiness, Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi ( Amma). After much ado, it was time for Darshan. I was given a numbered token and placed in a long line. Trying hard not to think about my aching back I waited patiently to receive my blessing. When my time came it passed quickly. Clutching my hand-written note, I felt her embrace and before I realised what was happening my head was on her shoulder and I was being hugged and squeezed. Someone took the note out of my left hand and the moment was over. I was exhausted and just wanted to get some sleep. We got back to the hotel around 1.00am. Es said later that Amma looked into my eyes. Thinking back, what I do remember is feeling an inner warmth from Amma’s embrace.

By 6.30am the next day having changed into my 2nd pair of white panjabis, we returned to the temple. I sat on a chair opposite an Indian lady who's lead I would follow during my first Rahu puja . Es sat to my left. I felt out of my depth and was worried I might damage any good karma I had left in my life by messing this up. I tried to concentrate during the meditation and at one point opened my right eye slightly to see if anyone was looking back at me. Everyone except me was in deep contemplation and, with thousands of people chanting the mantra, I was able to concentrate sufficiently to follow the puja.

Sometime later that same day, we returned to take part in the Saturn puja. There were even more people taking part in this puja, and it was difficult to see Amma, but I was able to absorb myself in her singing which was mesmerising. By eleven pm though, I felt it was time for me to leave and headed back to my hotel leaving Esmeralda behind with her mother. 
I cannot tell you if I will eventually embrace Amma the way Esmeralda has. I still feel confused and I have many questions I need to ask myself. How I find those answers will depend on how open I am to hearing the truth. Whatever that will be. For now. I feel fortunate to have experienced another world very, very different from mine.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Calcutta, March 22nd 2008

The 2008 North India Tour is over!
It’s like Tiramisu, I said when someone asked me what I thought of the experience. It cannot be eaten immediately after it has been made. It has to rest in the fridge overnight first.
Oh dear! Trust me to think of food to explain a spiritual experience.
When the program came to an end yesterday morning, I was not the only one crying. A feeling of loss echoed in my heart. Like in a movie, images of the last two months ran through my mind. Had it only been two months since I left home and set off on this Tiramisu of a journey?
And why had I shed so many tears? Why was I shedding them now? What was it within me that now felt sadness at seeing everything being dismantled?
Had I not longed and dreamed and talked about going home to my family?
And yes, that longing is still there. But what about the friends I made here with whom I shared rickshaws and memories?
Not to mention Amma who had been physically present in my daily life since I arrived in India on the fourth of February.
Was I like my cat Zoe, often on the wrong side of the door?

How tenderly had Amma held me when I went up for Darshan at four o’clock in the morning. Afterwards, I sat in the hall with Miriam and watched the rest of the group go up to Amma one by one.
Sweet, kind, always smiling Emmanuelle was sobbing; Priscilla was stumbling down the ramp. Lars, Kaivalya, Raffaella, Mira, Mary, Brenda, Liz, Kripalu, Linda, Leela, Pushpa… not all of them crying, but certainly subdued.
I didn’t want to say goodbye. When the last one of us had had Darshan and Amma got up from her Peetham, so did I. While everyone rushed to catch a last glimpse of her as she left the hall, I quietly walked out of a side door and made my way to the nearby taxi stand.
The buses were already being loaded for the return journey to Amritapuri. The stands that only hours earlier had been full of books, CDs, incense and more, were now planks of wood lying on the ground.
After a last look at the newly consecrated Brahamasthanam Temple, I walked out of the Ashram gates and into the first available taxi for the drive to the Oberoi.
An hour or two from now, the traffic would be unbearable, but at six o’clock in the morning the roads were fairly clear.
As we got closer to the hotel, I was startled out of my reverie, when I noticed that every other car, bicycle and rickshaw on the road was going in the opposite direction.
It did take me a couple of seconds but I did grasp the fact that, though cautiously, we were driving on the wrong side of the road, but as my driver did not seem to be overly concerned, I didn’t feel that I should be either. In any case he did move to the right side soon enough.
I wasn’t too bothered either when I realized that this driver wasn’t too particular about the colour of traffic lights; red, green, it was all the same to him. Or as they say here:
“Same, same but different.”

I am now at the hotel with Nova. What joy to see her again! She tells me that I have lost weight, but with the delicious breakfasts, lunches and dinners that I have been eating here at the hotel…. Oh dear, I do have to be careful!
Nova and I are going to do a bit of sightseeing today and tomorrow and then I am going HOME! I can’t wait.

From India With Love,
Esmeralda

Ps I would like to thank Pryan, Jani and Doo who selflessly organize the tour for Westerners like me, I owe them a lot. In my book I will write more about them. But for now I want to say that it was a relief this morning not to have to pack my bed roll for loading.
As for Tiramisu, I make a really good one and if you would like the recipe, email me at : esmeraldawn@gmail.com
As for Nova, like Bruno, she will write her own entry about her experience.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Delhi - Calcutta

We are now in Calcutta, the last stop of the tour and there are only three pages left in this notebook. I will limit myself to those last few pages for now.
March fifteenth, the day of my fiftieth birthday, dawned early. I was awake at three a.m., not out of excitement because of my birthday, but because we were leaving on the three day bus drive to Calcutta at five and loading our bed rolls and bags started at four. Before leaving, Kaivalya came into my "room" and to the tune of Happy Birthday to you, gave me a simply wrapped present. Touched, I opened it there and then; it was a small mozzarella! I rolled on the floor laughing. I had often talked about making a mozzarella and tomato salad. Nancy gave me what here they call a house dress, a lovely long cotton dress/nightdress. And when I boarded the bus, those who knew, gave me hugs and wished me a Happy Birthday. I knew that my family was also thinking of me, and though far away, I could feel their good wishes.

At lunch we stopped at a monastery, and together with the food, Amma gave everyone one of the four hundred candies I had bought for the occasion. But imagine my surprise, when one of the swamis came up to me and told me that Amma wanted a little piece of mozzarella! "But I've given it all away. And how did she know about it anyway?" The swami laughed and told me not to worry. I was amazed. When she left, Amma took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The squeeze was gentle, but I was deeply moved. Other than stopping again for dinner, we drove on for twenty-four hours. When we arrived in Benares, it was five thirty in the morning. A Wedding Hall was our base. I quickly found my "room" and showered. I hadn't slept much during the twenty-four hour drive, and I was very tired, but we were in Benares, a place I had been dreaming of visiting for ages- and the Holy Ganges was only one mile down the road. Mary and I walked out of the wedding hall and jumping into a bicycle rickshaw, we headed East to the Ganges.

"Oh this poor man! It is going to give us bad karma having this man work so hard," Mary said. It had been the same in Faridabad when we had got on a bicycle rickshaw to go to the internet. "Look Mary, we've been through this before. This is how they make their living.""We should just give him the money and walk," she said. "It's just your inborn Irish guilt, Mary. We are not doing anything wrong," I reassured her. Our driver went as far as he could, then we walked. The streets were crowded with people going for their morning bath in the sacred River. I was so excited. A few more steps and the Ganges was before me. It was as I had always seen it in pictures. Beautiful, majestic, teeming with people, boats, Brahmins, Poojaris, vendors of flowers and sandal wood paste. On our descent to the ghats, Mary and I bumped into one of our group, Priscilla from the Bronx. Every now and then I would stop to take pictures until finally I took one more step and my feet were in the holy water of the Ganga. Wow!! And then my friend Mira from Milan, Italy joined us and without stopping went right in fully dressed in her travel clothes. I looked around me and all I saw was beauty manifest in many forms. I felt happy but wished my family had been there to share this precious moment with me. Next time.

After a while we moved on and walked the short distance to Benares' crematorium on the banks of the river. Several funeral pyres were lit. I stopped to photograph a tree that seemed to grow out of a wall, monkeys were jumping from branch to branch. Poised to snap with my camera, I was startled when a goat jumped from a nearby wall and landed at my feet. I thought it'd broken a leg, but he got up and walked away. Further along, I first heard then saw the snake charmer. Two cobras were slithering out of a basket at his feet. As well as the Ganges, Benares is also home to some of the finest silks in the world and, spiritual seekers though my friends and I were, we also wanted to do a bit of shopping. We walked the narrow alleys crowded with small shops, barbers, hole in the wall tea shops, cows and their sacred offerings. Turning a tight corner, I squeezed myself against the wall to let a funeral cortege with flower-covered body pass by me on their way to the cremation ground. Holding my breath I watched for a while before moving on.

Thinking of my own children, I let a twelve-year-old boy sell me a few scarves and two cotton shirts for my boys, before following another of our group to the German Bakery. What a place! I have pictures of it, it felt like an opium den. It was fun and I did enjoy the croissant with butter and jam, the first sweet breakfast in almost two months. Soon it was time to go. Mary and I jumped onto another bicycle rickshaw and after a while it became apparent that we were lost. "I knew it was bad Karma," Mary said."Oh Mary, don't start that again."It took almost an hour but eventually we got back to the wedding hall in time for a shower, before getting on the bus again.

Calcutta is hot and humid and the mosquitoes are out day and night and they bite left, right and center. Nova arrives tomorrow and I'll move into her air-conditioned hotel.
Bye for now,

Esmeralda

Friday, March 14, 2008

Delhi

We tried to be quiet, but the chips were crunchy. Four of us were gathered around an apple, a bag of chips, a handful of small black grapes, half a packet of cookies and a bag of Bombay mix. The other four women in the room were sleeping, but Pushpa, Leela, Brenda and I were having a midnight snack by flashlight. The crunching noise of a chip being eaten seemed very loud indeed in the dead of night, and my companions and I burst into giggles that grew louder the harder we tried to suppress them. We are in Delhi now, after the shortest bus ride of the tour, which brought us here from Faridabad in two hours. Just as good was finding my "room" on the first floor. Never happened before and it is a big thing, believe me, not to have to climb two, three or even four flights of stairs. I rejoined the tour in Jaipur. The rest did me good and I was happy to see everybody again. The 2008 North India Tour is almost over. We have one more stop, Calcutta. The most challenging bus journey is still ahead. It will take three days to get there.
Soon I will see Nova and my family, I am so excited! But I will have to say goodbye to my new friends, who over the past few weeks have also become a family, with Amma at its center. Liz from Ireland was a bit teary today when we were talking about the fact that the tour is almost over. "Where are you going after Calcutta?" is a frequent question now, and though a number of us are going home, quite a few are staying in India. Darjeeling, Varanasi, Rishikesh and Daramsala are amongst the places being mentioned. I would like to visit those places too, and sometime I will, but for me it will home FIRST. But there is still Calcutta ahead. We leave tomorrow at four in the morning. And tomorrow is my fiftieth birthday. A lovely girl from New Zealand gave me a Coca Cola as an early present and Joanna from Staten Island gave me a small cake and a few people sang Happy Birthday to me yesterday.

Bye for now,
Esmeralda

ps. Delhi Belly strikes again!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Jaipur

I am in Jaipur, in a nice hotel, sitting up in bed after a nice rest. Sleeping in a bed, I think, is like riding a bicycle, once you learn you never forget how to do it. "Nice," I thought. As soon as my head touched the pillow, I was asleep. And why am I in a hotel? I ran away from the tour. Well, not exactly. Bombay was a watershed, by the second day there, our numbers went down by fifty per cent, with fever, vomit and, yes, you've guessed: Delhi Belly. On the eve of our departure for Ahmedabad most people had made a good recovery and I had escaped it altogether. I just felt tired, very tired. And I lay down in the early evening and stayed there. I started shivering and feeling nauseous during the night. Kaivalya came to see me at six thirty a.m. and by then I couldn't lift my head from the pillow. We were leaving in less than four hours. I was beside myself, I could not see I would be able to travel, nor could I imagine staying behind on my own in a place that I found so difficult to navigate in good health, let alone now that I was sick. Anyway, Kaivalya gave me an intravenous injection of something, put something under my tongue and pumped me full of I don't know what else, so that by departure time I was able to walk to the bus. She carried my luggage and kept an eye on me on the bus, making me drink, giving me more medicine. My friend Miriam also helped me during P stops and somehow I made it to Ahmedabad without "accidents." In Ahmedabad, I lay on the floor for twenty four hours and Kaivalya came to check up on me periodically. I felt better by the late afternoon and I was able to nibble some crackers after forty eight hours without food. But I could not face the thought of the two days drive from Ahmedabad to Jaipur, so when Nancy (the one who joined in Bombay) said that she was going to fly to Jaipur for the Global Peace Initiative of Women, I decided to go with her.

I have to say that I was really excited when we got to the airport, and found that we could buy tickets with JetLite for the one hour flight to Jaipur in an hour's time. Nice, nice, nice!!! At the airport we were picked up by a courteous, white-uniformed driver and at the hotel I didn't have to lug my luggage up the stairs, they brought it up. And I took the elevator. I am glad I still have a taste for comfort. I don't think that I am a hopeless spiritual seeker. I never intended to give everything up, only to learn to do without. And I have! I will rejoin the tour tomorrow night, and go with Amma to the conference where she will give the opening address, and in the evening she will hold a public program. People are really excited that she is coming. We'll leave for Delhi the day after that. I will see Nova in Calcutta in fourteen days and I'll fly home to MY FAMILY in nineteen. Let me make a small confession here; I CANNOT WAIT to see them all again.

Esmeralda

p.s. To my friend Nancy from Scranton, Pennsylvania. Nancy I hope you got home alright. The tour is not the same without you and I miss you. And that thing you told me to practice, you can see how well that is going. I toured Jaipur today. It was great. I want to come back with my family.