Hyderabad - Washim - Pune

I am not sure of the date or even the day of the week. The journey from Mangalore to Hyderabad has been the worst for me so far. We left at noon and drove until 7:30 am the following morning. I have no idea where we then stopped, but there was breakfast, Chai and somewhere to wash and put our mats down, until we set off again at noon. We reached Hyderabad at four the morning after that. By the time we unloaded, unrolled our bedding, washed ourselves and our smalls, it was six in the morning. I am in the dumps again, the stress on my body and my mind has been almost beyond my endurance. Sitting on our swaying, jolting bus for hours and hours, I have prayed for detachment. I have tried to find that place within that is forever peaceful. I shall keep trying. This is after all the purpose of the journey. Unmoved by everything but the Self.

The program in Hyderabad last night was huge again. Over fifty thousand people filled the stadium. I am glad I didn't go. I didn't feel well, my throat was sore again and I developed a nasty skin rash. I need rest and clean, uncrowded lavatories.
While dozing on and off I would think of my children and husband and cry. I miss them. I have noticed one thing though; on those long, numbing drives, my mind seems to become still. Even if drenched in misery, I am fully present in it. The past of even a week ago seems so distant as to be almost beyond reach. The future has no place here. Anything beyond now has no meaning. I have been asked about Bruno. He is coping the best he can. Initially I took him everywhere I went, but all he did was remind me of when the children were little. And I cried so much as a result that I've had to stop taking him with me. We now do our own thing and meet from time to time. I am sure that he will want to write his own story at some point. Bye for now.

We leave for Washim within the hour, Pune after that.

I am now in Washim. We arrived at about three thirty in the morning, in bed (on the floor) by five. We are staying in a wedding hall, but I thought it was an abandoned warehouse. One hundred and fifty women in one big hall. I was fine inside my mosquito net.

Thousands upon thousands came to see Amma for the maiden program in Washim. The crowds were excited and eager to get close to her any way they could. Even when they tried to climb on the stage, they were smiling. They were so happy to have Amma in their midst. Again I was awed at finding myself on the stage behind her, timing the prasad givers. We left for Pune as soon as Darshan ended at eleven o'clock the next day and by the time I laid my bones down again, it was six o'clock the following morning.

For some of the people on the tour, this is the last stop; when we leave for Bombay tomorrow, they will go home or back to the Ashram. A handful of people have left already. I am digging in for the long haul. I am not going to quit. This was never meant to be a holiday but a veritable spiritual boot camp, and through every difficulty that I face, I see a different aspect of myself and I can choose how I respond. I am now sitting in the shade at the Brahmasthanam Temple, facing Ganesh, the remover of obstacles. I will meditate for a while.

Om Namah Sivaya